One of my favorite quotes on the subject is by the writer Neal Stephenson: “Where did all these people come from, and how do I make them go away?”...What this means as far as Christmas is concerned is that even though I enjoy gift-giving, I absolutely hate crowds.When I was about thirty and single—in days before the Internet—I developed tactics for shopping that made dealing with the crowds easier. I didn’t shower, shave, or brush my teeth for three days before going out to hit the malls (in. I still wasn’t sure how he had managed to fool his parents into accepting the monthly payment, but I sure was happy that we now had unlimited access to the hottest videos of amateur moms on the internet.The sound of the bell rang loudly through the rooms and hallways, and I was the first one out the classroom door to avoid the horde of students jamming in the hall. Then, in a welcomed rarity, the school buses were already outside waiting for us to board them.“Yo, the semester is finally fucking. More

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