My first instinct is to toss it, which I do after tearing it in half. I hesitate, then pull it from the waste basket and slip it into my sock drawer,...under some socks. Just in case…For the rest of the week, the memories of that day come flooding back. I think about it, about what had happened. It was so against how I saw myself, what I thought I WAS. And yet, I cannot forget how it felt, being used by someone else, but not feeling used. Others watching me stripped down to my soul, but not. We took the launch to his beautiful boat that was anchored in the harbor. He opened a bottle of wine and we kept drinking and telling stories. Suddenly he said, "Oh my God, you're not wearing panties." I noticed I was showing and quickly covered up. I told him that I never wore them, and he laughed. He asked me if I was a bad girl. I admitted that I sometimes was a bad girl and grinned. Tom reminded me that no one knew I was there and that no one could hear me if I screamed. I hoped he was just. More

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