During the days, either Zack orSean would always be with me. I was never left alone. I was told to readall these teen magazines about the hottest cele...rity boys, make-up tips,pictures of cute teens and articles on how to please your guy. I was notallowed to read the newspaper or watch TV, except the fashion channel.Of course I longed to be held by either Zack or Sean, but they heldback. They said I wasn't ready yet. I was so hot for them. I dreamed ofthem at night and thought of pleasing them. Maybe I just miss the sense of accomplishment I used to get from staying up all night specifically to watch the sun come up. I don’t know. Seven thirty two in the PM time, the clock says. The moment of my birth and that just makes this feeling worse. I know there has to be more for me. It’s a uniquely selfish point of view. I’m a uniquely selfish person. Seven thirty two, and I tell myself to get up, get moving, and do something. But what? Always expectant, never inspired. I can’t sleep at. More

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