It’s been my job to coax him into forgiving himself one mistake at a time. “I try not to think about that day. I don’t know what came over me. I...remember feeling like I had to have you or I would die. I was so angry at myself for all the things I had done to you and all the things I let be done to you. When those men raped you I wanted blood. I wanted to slaughter them for making you scream the way you did and making you want to take your own life and I was so angry at you for trying. I ended. ‘Do you not like to hear music? I cannot now sing a joyful song, but-‘ ‘Listen!’ His voice was an urgent command. I instantly obeyed. I listened, but heard nothing but the wind and a distant chirping of crickets. After a moment I glanced at him. ‘I hear nothing.’ ‘Then you are singing.’ I could not tell if he jested me with a riddle, as he still faced away from me. But then he turned quickly and fetched his bamboo cane, with which he had killed Jordaens. I saw that its grain was still stained. More

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