" You envied those other women?" Sometimes, yes. I mean, in many cases, they were just young women with what were often messy and unenviable relations...ips with young men. It wasn't all sweetness and light. It wasn't like I was always just seeing the good side of the secular life. But I... well, I noticed the men, and, to me -- comparing my own way of life to those young women -- it seemed that I was really missing something." But you stayed with it, all those year?" Yes. And even after I left. I amazed myself. I was in bed with that body and I showed no signs of a reaction at all.The next morning, I was up before the sun came up. I looked across the bed at the woman I thought that I'd be spending the rest of my life with. I wondered what it was about her that had drawn me in the first place. I can't say that I didn't sleep that night, because I did. But throughout the night I woke several times and wondered, "Why me?"I wasn't exactly broken hearted, but I was upset. I was pissed by. More

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