My wife was in labour with our first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly she began to shout “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Can...��t!” “Doctor, what’s wrong with my wife!” I cried. “It’s perfectly normal” he reassured me “She’s just having her contractions”.Murphy came home plastered for the third night in a row. His wife dragged him to the window, pointing to the blazing lights of the big distillery in the distance. “See how big it is?” she said. “They can always make it faster. Order was once more insisted upon and I could feel my legs trembling nervously while the crowd settled down."Thank you!" The voice of the auctioneer shouted out to quieten the last of the nonconformists. "Settle down gentlemen please..." a ripple of laughter, "and we will show you precisely what is available next. Remove her hood."Abruptly my world changed from bitch blackness to light. My eyes blinked hard as my blonde tresses freed from the bag, cascaded down my back. I was staring at a long. More

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