I was sure Big Foot planned to use some travois to haul stuff back if it was necessary.When we saw the condition of the people's personal effects, I w...s appalled! Everything was tattered and dirty, except for the food. Big Foot must have felt the same as I did. Big Foot asked, "Long Nose, why is your stuff in such a foul mess? I can't imagine anyone wanting to live like this." You are right. But we had no reason to do any better. Our shaman would take anything he wanted, and we couldn't stop. It’s not about dying, it really isn’t. It can be a cry for help but for most it’s to help cope with emotional pain. It’s a completely stupid way to cope; I’ll be the first to admit that. But I will also admit that it worked unfortunately. Like any other addiction, soon your normal ‘fix’ isn’t enough. You have to cut more or sometimes find something else to hurt yourself with to feel the same effects. It’s completely fucked up. I’m lucky in that I didn’t actually get that far. I did stop. More

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