I love him, dammit. Sometimes I wish I didn't. And I'm holding back. He doesn't have all of me, and each time he leaves, when he returns, I give him l...ss of me than he had before. He knows this. He knows I'm pulling away from him. I can see it in his eyes — the hurt, I mean. I'm hurting him, but I can't stop it. Hurting him is the last thing I want to do, but I must protect myself because..." The tears welling in her eyes overflowed and streaked her cheeks. "Because someday he won't come back.. The poor gas grill on the cooker never got a chance to cool down!On Wednesday afternoon, after an ‘eggy bread’ lunch, Julie dragged me off to Maindy Baths for our regular swim; although I’d been reluctant to go, I did indeed feel better for a bit of exercise and a change of scene, and I went back to my notebooks refreshed.We did deliberately make time to go out and have the ‘Student Special’ curry on the Friday night; it was a welcome change from the books, and a much-needed breath of fresh air. More

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