Or maybe it was all just a dream? Basically, I couldn't believe that I had ever managed to get someone as beautiful as the woman in white now walking ...own the aisle towards me to ever love me.As she drew closer, the feeling of dread grew. Why was she so immaculate? Why was she so clean? There was not a spot on her, not a single fleck of semen, not a hair out of place -- at least, as far as I could tell, since her head was hidden under a shroud. A fucking shroud?? What was this, the sixteenth. I looked at it and burst out laughing. “Gwen it’s called the Pretty in Pink Double Dong. That is hilarious. Seriously, it even has two different John Hughes references.” Gwen looked at me confused. “Well the Pretty in Pink reference is obvious, but remember in 16 Candles that Chinese exchange student is named Dong,” I explained. I then continued, “I have to get this.” I placed it in the basket which was already half full. The saleslady then handed me a much slimmer blue dildo called a Feeldoe. More

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