Something that absolutely must be kept secret.One day, I ran across the word ?sadism? by accident in the city library. Sadism.That must have something...to do with being sad, because ?sad? is in it, right?I went and looked it up. The definition leered back at me, and I quickly turnedthe page to the beginning of the ?G? section so people wouldn't know what Ihad been looking at. I felt a little sick. Was that what all those dreams meant?I started to feel really sick, but I also started to feel . .. If Jackie noticed she didn't say anything; we'd always been strangely silent in regards to our relationships outside of work and every time I fucked Lisa I felt a little guilty because I was wishing she was someone else.There were a lot of things I could never tell Lisa, it was almost like she didn't care that I had friends, a job, or plans for the future; and at times I suspected she was using me just like I was using her. It was no surprise to either of us that we broke up and I can't say I. More

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