Deshalb meldete ich mich erst einmal krank. Ohnejeden Antrieb fing ich an mich selbst in Frage zu stellen. Wer bin ich? Waswill ich? Wieso bin ich so ...nfähig? Die Tränen versiegten. Doch derAcker auf dem sie gefallen waren brachte böse Frucht. Ich wurde wütendund zornig. Und mein Zorn wannte sich erst gegen Gerd. Doch der war nicht da.Und dann gegen mich. Wie konnte ich nur Gerd wieder verlieren? War ich unfähigeine Beziehung zu führen? Offensichtlich. Das konnte nicht die Wahrheitsein. Das. I thought being around Dean might be awkward, but I was determined to tough it out. He was cool; no hidden innuendo, all business, technical, professional, giving me nothing to complain about. He did everything he needed to do to seem like a good guy.Back home I couldn’t tell Chris I’d been in bed all week. He'd told me to stay home and I didn’t. I had to make stuff up; inventing a story about how boring the week had been so there was nothing to talk about. I gave Chris a blowjob out of guilt.. More

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