) I wrote it about twoyears ago, and going to the commentary makes me realize how much of aprissy fuck I really was.The comments pretty much boiled d...wn to:* I appreciate the points you made about the quality of writing "But your intro really sets you up for failure."It did. My syntax was terrible, the dialog was flat and so on and so-forth (my main character had three different names.)* There was one in particular by a "Vickie" that hit the nail on the head. The nicest part: "You're so. Her breath caught in her throat for so long he thought she must surely pass out. After what seemed an age, he felt her body start to relax as she came down off her high. As the orgasm broke, she felt her throat close as her whole body contracted violently with the force of her release. Every ounce of her body’s energy had been directed to the release of her orgasm. She couldn't breathe and was completely oblivious to time. Her cunt actually hurt where it had clamped down and tightly gripped his. More

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