..I lusted after her! I had an erection! My sleep was disturbed that night. My dreams were troubled and they involved doing things with Bambi Lynn tha... I was pledged never to do. Next morning I felt awkward and the warmth of our relationship was missing. It was my fault and I knew it. . .With every ounce of reserve that I could muster I forced myself to maintain my friendship with the lady who so sorely troubled me. By evening we were back on close, friendly terms and I worked to keep it that. I had once hungered for it but the control I wish to exercise on my life slips away from me the more I try to hold onto it. Now I am stupendously lost. In my thoughts. In my mind, a consoling labyrinth, in its solitude. Nothing makes any sense and nothing stays in the same place for long. Fleeting thoughts, I am constantly distracted by nothing. That relentless whirlwind of nagging guilt, a hangover from my upbringing, is there to remind me that I need to stop and to continue. I have always. More

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