”“Should make me happy. And it does. Sometimes. Other times ... More and more ... There’s these silences. Like there’s nothing more to say. On...his part more than mine I think. I find myself talking and wondering if I’m really just talking to myself, if he’s actually listening. And the happiest times ... more and more it ties to sex. Which, unfortunately, isn’t nearly as frequent as it was, and trending towards the infrequent. But when we have sex, the conversations happen. Between. After. And. She treats them like shit, they said. The best around, they said. A sadistic whore, they said. I munch on some peanuts and say nothing. My initial embarrassment overcome, I am left only with my own shyness. I try to look out through the blacked out windows but see only my own reflection - a hollow, haunted face, drawn out, looking older than my forty-three years, worn thin by a horrid divorce. Now like some middle-aged junkie, I am here looking for a fix of a fantasy drug that I have yet to. More

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