The only real marker of reality, the last vestige of the mind’s connection to the body of the creature, now almost abjectly object, animal, property...is in her movement. There is no part of my body that is not physically, palpably hurting, aching dully or stinging with pain without reprieve. The endorphins have long worn off – a frustrating paradox. What is now pain that I want direly to escape was precisely what was integral in bringing about the incredible rush that I had craved all my life in. That was my steady date on the screen, and sexual excitement was one thing I most certainly was NOT feeling. Anger, pain, heartbreak, sadness, sympathy with a young girl, hatred for the people who’d taken advantage of her, gratitude for the ones who had treated her better. Oh yeah, I pretty much ran through the whole fucking list of the negative emotions. It was a bit like Pandora’s Box, but without a whole lot of hope.I’ll admit it; I was struggling to hold myself together. I’d fallen for Mel. More

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