Once at the pub, as my gay friend went to the bar to get our drinks, I scanned the place and found what I was looking for: a tall good looking black m...n, sporting a huge torso, a nice smile and, apparently, I could imagine he was also gay or at least bisexual…I approached him and introduced myself. We started chatting when Claude came back with the drinks.I introduced the men without explaining Claude why I had chosen Adam, that was my new black friend’s name. He gave me a nice glance, telling. And when we're doing this, we sincerely mean it. We hate ourselves for being the disgusting faggots that we are, and we desperately want to be "normal," meaning: heterosexual. Sometimes these periods last only a few days or weeks, other times, months. But we always end up right back at Walmart or Target, buying high heels, short shorts, dresses and skirts, lipstick and other cosmetics, and returning to dressing up and masturbating to internet porn. In my case, I wanted to be "normal" so badly. More

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