" Our next letter comes from Paul in Washington State. "Dear Santa, I've noticed when you talk, you keep switching back and forth between first person...and third person. Would you please be decisive and just pick one and stay with it. It gets annoying listening to you when you do this." Well Paul, I'm glad you brought this up. Santa was just thinking about whether or not he was going to put you on his naughty list or nice list. Santa was having trouble deciding. But you're right, it's time for. He said, "I'll get even with you, you twerp! Before the magic finishes turning my world upside down I am going to beat you to a pulp! And I can do it now." Yes you can," I conceded, edging my chair back from the table. "But are you ready to face assault and battery charges? As a woman you could hit, slap, and kick me with virtual impunity. But as a man you could get thrown in jail for hitting someone. Not to mention that I'd sue the pants off you before the bruises lost their color. Whatever. More

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