To get beyond the simple expedient of being 'the boyfriend' and allowing them to see the real me, which is terrifying to contemplate.Why was that such...a scary thought? Fear of rejection? Well, I should be used to that by now. Except, I always took comfort in the idea that they weren't really rejecting me, because they didn't really know the 'real' me. They were rejecting my version of 'the boyfriend'.I was slowly realizing, that playing the boyfriend was a dead end, had always been a dead end,. On a hotplate on the workbench there was a flask of clear liquid with a slight bluish tinge. It was not boiling. I cautiously put my finger near the surface of the hotplate, then on it. It was very warm to the touch, but not so hot that I had to remove my finger, I should describe it as shaving-water temperature. I turned off the hotplate and examined the liquid. A cautious sniff revealed it to be both pungent and wholly unappetising: imagine if you will a mix of methylated spirit and some very. More

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