Think about it.”“I’ll think about it.”“Do you need to use the bathroom?” I asked.“I got up earlier while you were still asleep. This uni... has a very nice en suite, Eric. How about you -- do you need to get up?”“I’m good for the time being.” Helen rolled again onto her side facing away.I snuggled against her, slipped my arm around her waist and she put her hand on mine. “Any thoughts about last night?” I asked. “Any regrets?”“No regrets. Regrets are the furthest from my mind. It was wonderful. Looking back, I guess that's what it's always been about. Really about. Control.It's control over me. My control over it. When it would start. Keeping it incheck. What it would require of me to appease it. How long the urge would last.Keeping it as a long held private secret. Mine only. To know and fear, andyet, embrace. All of these things, and more, it has been for the better part of forty-fiveof my fifty-two years. But now, it is complicated. Not it isn't so much about my control, or. More

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