I asked her what was wrong. "I was at work and I dropped my pen and when I bent down to get it my pants ripped, and..." she hesitated, "I farted." I w...nted to laugh but I knew not to. My wife had gained about sixty pounds since we got married five years ago. She tried weight loss programs and they worked for a while but then as soon as she was off of them she gained back most of the weight, and then some.This time she was serious though. She went back to the diet center and made terrific. Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport.“Nationality?” asks the immigration officer.“German,” she replies.“Occupation?”“No, just here for a few days.”As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer’s funeral, a voice from insidescreams: “I’m not dead, I’m not dead. Let me out!”The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters, “Too late, mate, the paperwork’s already done.”I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last. More

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