She decided that the two switch plates should have animals on them, but rejected giraffes and zebras. She picked macaws because they were "close enoug... to galahs." I agreed. They were both psittacoids. The fact that galahs were grey and pink and macaws were brightly coloured was irrelevant. That Weena was happy was relevant. I asked her about door handles. She looked at me blankly until I pointed out that we had knobs at home, but hospitals had pushbars and levers, so that doors could be opened. In one hand he held my expulsion papers, explaining that I was being sent down for poor grades in my first year and in the other was a leather tawse, thick, brown and shiny with three 'tongues' pointing menacingly at me. Jock was Scottish, old fashioned and, being about sixty had very old-fashioned ways. There wasn't much point in wiggling my ass to win him over; his plan was to make me wiggle it anyway with that horrible looking strap!‘Which one are you going to choose, lassie?’ The old man. More

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