Whether you are male or female your body responds to certain images or phrases uncontrollably. Control was always an issue. Who or what was in control...of everyone? The thought plagued him, wracked him as no other issue had. Was there a way to understand people’s sexual reactions, more than that, he wanted to understand women. As a student of psychology in a major university working on graduate level work, he was allowed certain leeway to do research. Funds and time could be allocated for him,. I tried to view them as serious possibilities, and forced myself to imagine myself doing typical things partners do with them. The sensation of failure was overwhelming as I tried imagining myself with forty-nine year old whose gray hair was quickly going away, and looked like the accountant he was. Before, I had imagined myself as the big spoon. This was obviously not going to be the case, and the idea of having that guy wrap his arms around me was utterly overwhelming in how gay it was.. More

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