It's really unrealistic for Fiona to be talking like a narrator, and it'll take the audience out of the story a bit." Which part?" Well, here: 'When I...was little, I was locked in a pitch-black closet all day at a friend's house, and my parents didn't find me until morning. That's when I first met Fiona. I was laying there screaming and crying for an hour and finally I heard her voice teasing me, telling me what a baby I was.' It just seems a little forced at this point in the story, know what I. Percival sat down and started panting with his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth. He was still staring at the door but now it was like he was waiting for the older me to come back through the door.A moment later she came back in and shut the door behind her. She put my hockey stick back where it belonged and came back to sit down on the rug with me. Percy wagged his tail and lay down again with his head in her lap.“What happened?” I asked.“A friend thought I was sleeping,” said older me.. More

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