I had stopped to admire the view and relax for a couple minutes. The sun was warm, the wild flowers were blooming, and the butterflies were flitting a...l around. It was close to the perfect day.Suddenly from out of the woods, a medium-large sized dog with brown and black scragly hair approached me, the jingling of his dog tags announcing his arrival. He looked friendly enough and his tail was wagging a mile-a-minute, but I was still leery since I'd never seen him before so I stood perfectly. Sorry. Next: how old are you?" Forty." Forty!! God damn, it's great meeting you Methuselah," he continued while offering his Greasy hand"Forty isn't old!" Forty is a hundred-sixty in porn years. Let's move on. Have you ever masturbated in front of a group?" Do family reunions count?" He beamed saying, "I like you. You're kinkier than a fifty-cent garden hose." He then lightly tapped his lavish Bic pen on his desk which promptly collapsed at our feet. "Fuckin' Ikea," he mumbled. "Let's move over. More

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