Simon was already there, and (oh, miracle) he’d done his best impression of Robert Smith, my idol from The Cure, albeit slightly better looking in m... opinion. ‘Hey you.’ ‘Hey you.’ ‘Drink?’ ‘Bourbon and Coke, please.’ ‘Bit early for the heavy stuff, isn’t it?’ ‘No – this is my morning drink usually.’ I cracked a smile so he knew I was joking, and, ice well and truly broken, we sat down at the quiet end of the bar for a drink before moving into college for the ball proper. To this day I have no. She was as requested over weight and about 50-ish, with what looked like an enormous pair of tits and a ass that hung over the bar stool on both sides.The man beside her, her husband I found out later was about 5’10, 50 years or so and skinny. He looked nervous as hell drinking his pint of beer. I walked up and introduced myself to them both, she gave me a big smile but he just shook my hand and said nothing. After two drinks me and Amelia where getting on fine, she had moved closer to me. More

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