I said, “Boy your pussy is tight.”That was when old Mrs. Rogers said, “I used to fuck horses. I collected their cum so that my father could sell...it for artificial insemination. When he died I continued to collect it for my husband. My two daughters didn’t want any part of that business, so eventually we had to sell it. I can still make a quart jar of mayonnaise disappear. If I can get the long neck into my cervix I can almost make a quart of gin disappear too. Now a days I generally drink it to. ‘If I die, you’re going to be the last to know.’ I sigh. ‘Okay, Ma. I’m sorry but I’ve been busy.’ She continues: ‘Any boyfriends?’ ‘No,’ I say, annoyed. ‘That’s too bad. So, tell me, Karla, when was the last time you got laid?’ ‘Ma!’ I can’t believe the way she talks to me sometimes. I didn’t know mothers were even allowed to talk that way to their children. But that’s my mother, unpredictable. She never fails to surprise me. Her philosophy is, you have to be straightforward with your children. More

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