He'd always liked to tease, but before it had felt like it wasplayful and good natured. After elementary school his teasing developedan edge to it and...it felt hurtful and bitter.If wasn't for our guitar sessions and the fact that he was my onlyfriend I probably would have stopped hanging out with Nick. I think Icould have dealt with not having a friend more than giving up the guitarsessions. I'd grown up playing guitar with my dad and with him gone Ineeded someone else to play with. I was too. I touched Julie's neck, and my hand imagined the warm compact sweetness of her vulva."But still, it was a new world. I could dream of women without pain, without wondering if there was something wrong with me, without having to try to dream of men instead. But I did get tired of dreaming."I paced. I bit my lips alot. I gathered my courage. I signed up for a Women's Retreat one week in August. I got permanent butterflies of the stomach as soon as I had the ticket. I imagined the Retreat as some. More

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