The next time I saw her was in the local bar that evening. I had just moved into a cabin up in the mountains after a messy divorce and it was the firs... evening that I let myself out with the purpose of getting to know my new neighbourhood and to not sit on my own again. She was waitressing and trying to keep up with a demanding clientele. “What can I get you?” she asked as I slid onto a bar stool at the far end of the counter, “a beer please” I responded which was reciprocated with a smile. Our games gave us a perfect alibi. You can imagine that I was dreaming of our games many a night and how they could advance further. At the same time, I had to restrain myself not to go to far. Already then, I realized that I had to be very discreet and as I grew up, my obsession became a very secret part of myself. Dating boys I found just boring as nobody realized what I was longing for and I had no one to talk to about it. Sex in some way felt like a half measure without what I was dreaming. More

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