Not any more." I knew I should wait and greet those who had come, but it wasn't in me. My heart and soul and all I cared for in this world lay at the...bottom of that hole. Nothing and nobody mattered anymore. I turned and walked away into my own sort of darkness. I got into my car and drove away. I thought about going to a bar. Drowning my sorrow in the bottle but that meant dealing with people, people who new what had happened and would want to offer their sympathy. That I couldn't take. I. That is an important thing to remember. In fact, seeing my mother splayed out on a hotel room bed, while being enthusiastically fucked by a black guy, made me think: 'Way to go, mom!'My mother, in my opinion, is still an attractive woman of 40-something years; so it didn't seem unlikely that someone else, besides my step-dad, might like to fuck her! To me, that was really cool. However, how did I feel about my step-dad for (seemingly) willingly participating in such a situation? I felt. More

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