My schedule was now erratic. I was visiting the sex club far too often, getting kicked out of the one after propositioning an obviously closeted voyeu... sitting along the edge of the room. As soon as we were spotted, we were politely asked to not return.My drinking became heavier and the pain medication I had obtained for residual pain from the IED had been carefully stockpiled and saved.What finally broke was Emily. We were in bed, going at it. As usual, her husband was out in the garage. That night I made a decision not to take a pill, I didn’t want to become addicted to them, and I thought that maybe the pill was what caused me to imagine fucking Aaron. Unfortunately, as I lay in bed, the same thoughts crept into my mind, and once again I had the need to get myself off thinking about Aaron and the drug deal from yesterday. For the next few weeks the thoughts came and went. Some nights I fingered myself while thinking of Aaron, other nights I just fell asleep without any. More

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