Yet at thesame time I was struggling with the part of me which wanted to cling onto the past that said, "What the hell are you doing? You are a man, ...hythe fuck do you want to become a woman? What on earth do you want tobecome a Muslim for?"But that side of me was the old me, the aggressive me, the me that couldnot see the beauty of submission, of abdication of my power as a man, ofsubmission to my mother and to Allah. I was for the first time in mylife in distress.I couldn't rescue my. I wondered what he would have done if he were there at that moment when I took off my panties. Cum probably. I wanted to make him cum. I still didn’t feel ready to have a thing in me, but I was so full of wonder for a guy’s body, particularly his cock. I just wanted to get Alex alone somehow and make him cum for me. I don’t know why, but I wanted to taste it. I knew about blow jobs. Hannah the team captain at hockey had sucked off loads of guys at college. She was good at it apparently. I had a. More

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