I know full well that it’s wrong to think such things but I can't help feeling that way. In truth, I hate myself for it. We have agreed to be friend... and I am trying my hardest not to break this verbal agreement but I cannot help wanting to push the boundaries either. For my own sick, self-satisfaction, I want to tell him how I still feel and to hear him say that he still loves me, too. Yet another selfish thing that shows how horrible I can actually be. But, Dear Diary, I promised you cheerful. I had got a new job and I was leaving my old one, andwith it all the friends I had made there. One particular friend was Derek. He was ten or eleven years older than me and single. He was quite good looking, but it was more than that. He listened to me. My boyfriends had all been my age or younger. I did have a boyfriend called Rob, he was 21 and a young 21, still at Uni on the south coast, so I only saw him every other weekend. Derek had had quite a lot of girlfriends it seemed, and some of. More

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