I’m spontaneous to the extreme, and that makes it all worse. I know where to go to get what I want, but if I can’t get it there, I keep going. I k...ep pushing and asking and looking until I find someone who will give it to me. I might be looking for the kind of satisfaction that doesn’t even satisfy ME, it just makes me feel better to get all of that energy out of my system and pump it into somebody else. It’s funny because growing up, the one thing I said I would NEVER do was be like my Daddy.. And I enjoyed that too. Not just the sex, which I obviously loved, but the fact that here I was getting bedded by two gorgeous boys while P was stewing there in lonely isolation, just a few feet away, hearing everything and no doubt feeling insanely jealous. Why did I get a kick from it? I’m not certain. I think it was probably that I was insecure at that age despite the fact that I was so pretty. So this whole kind of sordid episode was providing me with an ego boost, a confirmation of just. More

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