Eventually I gave up on the 'what ifs' remembering Kitty's words, "things are as they are for now. Tomorrow ... who knows?"My thoughts turned to my cu...rent life. Other than Maria and the possible exception of Vicky all the females in my life were strong, self-reliant women. Why did they even need me? Destiny? Was it destiny that had written this fucked up play and I was but an actor following a script without any control? If that were the case then could I have done anything to change what had. I wonder if Ben and Bianca are right about doing an undercover journalist assignment on Matt Steiner. I could watch him closely and take notes. I should also keep a journal. If he turns out to be the typical rich and famous asshole, it would make me feel less guilty. I have no energy to think about it now. I’ll just have to wait and see how things unfold once I start on Monday. I should be thinking about the money that I’m going to be making with this new job. I’ll be making lots of money,. More

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