Childhood was over, married adulthood was in full swing. He found work with a software company and I found clerical work, but with the economy the way...it is I got laid off after only a few months. I found myself among tens of thousands of other entry-level clerical applicants in the Bay Area, so I resigned myself, for the time being anyway, to the life of a homemaker. Loi enjoyed it, I think he liked the idea of having a ‘kept woman’, never having to help clean anything since I did it out of. She was afraid, afraid of how she felt, that was how she thought she felt, actually worse, how she thought she should feel. Did she love Paul? She didn’t know. Had she ever really loved anyone? She wasn’t sure on that count anymore either. She’d thought she’d loved John, but she knew now she only loved the idea of John. She’d looked upon him as a kind of heroic knight, a savior and protector, someone who could insulate her from things she didn’t want to think about. John had sort of soured her. More

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