One person pointed out that I was being unrealistic on how long I was having my character hit a golf ball, the story was a fantasy but hey he was righ... about it being unrealistic, and he had brought it up politely so no reason not to make a change. After making those corrections I reposted the story awaiting further comments and hoping for a few compliments.There were some attaboys and requests to keep writing, but another reader pointed out that my story would go better if it was a girl. Fir mera lund tyar tha wo urh kr vasline lekr aayi apni gand mai lagaya aur mere lund pr bhi fir ghodi bankr boli le marle meri gand. Fir kya dosto dhere dhere uski gand mai lund ghus raha tha waise he uski awaj tez ho rahi thi 5 min baad pura lund uske gand mai ghus gaya wo ahhhhhh krke apna mu takiye k andar daba li. Fir kya dhere dheere shot marta raha wo rone lagi thi ki darad ho raha hai aram se karo aalho se aasu gir rahe thae aur ohhhhhh auch margyi ahhhhhh moan kiye ja rahi thi dard. More

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