“I absolutely love the feeling of sexy lingerie and clothing against my skin. It is one of the biggest thrills of my life,” he shared. “Have y...u ever tried on any women’s clothing?”In fact, I had. When I was in ninth grade, I had found my college-age sister’s one-piece swimsuit on the floor of the bathroom. I locked the door and, in a surreal daze of heady excitement, I picked up the swimsuit, holding it up against my body in front of the mirror. My dick had by then grown to its full. He had not allowed himself to feel the totality of the loss. To grieve was to acknowledge it. It made it real to him. He didn’t want it to be real – but it was firmly in the outer circle.He could not control it. He felt the tears drip down his face and he let them come.His cousin’s death was more loss. He felt he should be inured to loss by now. He’d lost so much. A mother he couldn’t even remember. A father. Another mother, this time with sisters. Mr. Alvarez. The Cholos. So much loss weighed. More

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