Of course this plague only befalls me, because my best friend Maddie has had D-cups since I met her in the fricking seventh grade. She NEVER gets card...d. Somehow, my less-than-B-cups—yes, I said less-than-B because it just sounds better than actually saying ‘my first letter of the alphabet cups’—are a red flag that screams ‘card me.’ Maddie always tells me that if I made small efforts to look older it would help. She and I are complete opposites in the looks department. Maddie has blonde hair. Even though your sense of balance has been honed like a Bushido blade by all of those countless hours at the barre I have just enough forward stance to have the advantage. As you try to stabilize yourself with your other hand I sweep forward and grab it, pinning both wrists at the small of your back. "What now?" I challenge and even as the words come out of my mouth, you relent and fall backwards pulling me with you. A little wiggle and shake of your wrists and you are free again. You try to. More

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