” Trust Audrey, I thought, to have in mind designer cocktail dresses that had set their wearers back several noughts on a cheque. “If Conrad, dear... will just open the doors you will see that they have been put to good use.” I pulled them apart to disclose full-length mirrors on their interior. “I had them fitted by a little man from Wandsworth,” Audrey went on. “He offered to put one in the ceiling but I told him I didn’t want a tart’s boudoir. He gave me a funny look and said I’d be surprised. The shower itself is another step up. So my discovery of this green slug either proves the long abandoned theory of spontaneous generation or he scaled the sewer pipes and crawled in through the small hole in my drain. This must have been a fantastic adventure, something paralell to Columbus’ voyage, and really deserves a novel unto itself. In the far corner of the bathroom is no man’s land, a gigantic space piled with spare blankets, dart-boards, warring tribes of Progresso Soup, a plastic. More

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